jornal ng adik

Nirnaeth...Tears unnumbered ye shall shed...

2005-04-27T07:13:27Z

My life now is in battle. Battle of unnumbered tears for many reasons.

I need to move from my Greenhills to Tandang Sora. It's to far from everything. My school, Trumpets, and Mawy. Everything is in battle for me.

Last night my sister did not pick me at Shangrila. Our class ended by early 9:00 pm. The three of us (Surot, Jay, and yours truly) went to Dome and had some food. Too bad for Surot she missed the "Hot Lesbian Scene" of Six Feet Under. We did not see that time was running so fast that night. We decided to leave and go to our own cribs.

The Battle is... Every time my sister will not pick me up I need to take an ordinary bus/no aircon going to Novaliches. What the heLL!! There’s no aircon bus straight going to Novaliches....? Before I can reach my place I will face a lot of things. The black air of some sort of mixed pollution of different substances, the feeling of somebody will just hit me at the back and get my "KAYAMANAN", the danger that awaits in darkness, and the hardest part of all-walking from the gate of the village down to our house. Imagine! Karla is not with me anymore every single night to protect me from all those things. I don’t want to do that every Thursdays and Fridays. God Help Me Survive In This Battle.

My mom visited me yesterday. I talked to her and told her regarding the dangers I am facing overnight. One of these days we will find a new place in Makita or somewhere near my school. I asked her to give back my car and told me let me learn first from my mistakes. I said I suffered enough to get back my car. She said no. I am helpless.

Summerstock... D. Jaime shouted at me once again because of this talented girl Alexa. I know she's just too amused with my nipple that's why she played with it. Unfortunately D. Jaime saw that and shouted "Don’t play with the ANATOMY of your colleagues" I am trying my best not to do anything bad that will merit is lovable shouts but then again unfortunately it seems that its the danger that is coming to me. He said we need to make our Saturdays free starting May, meaning we will have extra rehearsals every Saturdays and I have no time to go to Bulacan anymore. How can I get pots of gold? Too bad my mom won’t give me any centavo if I will not visit her at least during weekends.

Another Battle...I will have my braces back this Saturday. That’s painful. New molar bonds, brackets and rubbers. I hated that and now I will wear those shinny metals again. The consolation that I am giving myself is that I can go back to my diet. No eating days because I will not dare take a bit of anything because of the fear that my teeth just fall off.

Life is a big battle. Everything is test. I will survive I know. It's not a big problem some would say, but for me it's a big deal. God Help ME.

"Tears unnumbered ye shall shed...so that not even the echo of your lamentation shall pass over the mountains"
Doom of Mandos

GOODBYE SAN JUAN

2005-04-25T16:57:32Z

GOODBYE SAN JUAN....

Some bad things happened to my fucking life again. Last Sunday before I went to manila my mom talked to me. It's about my fucking-brother-in-law. Read that the way it's written. FUCKING-BROTHER-IN-LAW. I hate him. He's the number one enemy of our family together with his family. He told my mom that I always go home late and that is why Maui and Angelo can't sleep. I talked to Maui and said they don’t care if I go home late. My sister and my fucking-brother-in-law had a fight regarding that matter. My mom told me if there’s someone to leave that house it's not me but him because he did not give any centavo to buy that condo. Maui agreed, so do I.

I went to Greenhills and get my things. All. I said all. My cds and all. It is actually good and bad for me. Good in a way that I will able to share our house with my sister again and have a very small possibility to see him. Bad because it's far from my Shangrila. Anyway my sister will be my driver every MWF so nothing to worry.

I was talking to Maui and she even cried because I am going to leave her. That's the drama part of the story. I said ok ka lang? We can still see each other every day sa Shangrila. Then she said "di na kita katabi matutulog!" Then I said "O.A. Mo!" but I wanted to cry that very moment, seriously. Imagine I always go to bed beside her ever since we are kids. Which was not that far ago. Angelo even said oo nga tito wala ng mangiinis sakin. Then we nearly die because of laughing.

I will miss those days. God has a plan for me. I know God will give me justice as always....

SummerStock....

2005-04-04T05:29:29Z

SummerStock....

Well, after long months of waiting for my summer to come, now it's here giving me nervousness to it's unidentified intensity. This summer is really a big break for me. Imagine first year of college, I didn't imagine college is so tiring like this but really enjoyable. Hell week for us Lasallians because of our fucking finals.

Anyway, today is the first day of summerstock. I am nervous and excited today. Excited for today I will see and meet new friends as well as the start of my Trumpets days again and nervous because of the indefinite feeling if I made the right decision joining this play... Hope I can get a good part in this play. Well, I am not expecting but I am hoping. God is with me. hehehe...

I am supposed to get my car today but unfortunately I wasn't able to get it because the tire was flat. Imagine, I went home to Bulacan just to get that car but I ended up going back to Manila by means of Fx.... Hassle, I know. But that is life and it's only for now.

I had my finals early this morning and I was so depress because I don't think I can pass the exam. I studied five chapters last night, then before I took a rest I realized over night reading with that subject is not effective. General Psychology... I had short term memory, amnesia, and abnormal psychology because of that test. Tomorrow I'll have my J.PRizal Finals. Goodluck, I hate that subject. I hate Rizal for he had so much accomplishments and I needed to study all of those. Rizal can you see how much burden you are giving us, college students. I even memorized the 22 languages he was able to use before, Imagine, I don't care even he knew all the languages. But he was indeed a great man. Ironically, he is my idol... Hehehe Labo. It's just that his one of the best Filipino of all time...

He's even the pride of ateneans... Go fellow ateneans.... Let's go Admu, Lets Go!

Sharing, Im here at Cyber...whatever in Megamall. I'm waiting for my class Summerstock 6:00 pm pa. So I decided to rent a computer and at the same time write a journal, and do my resume for that summerstock thing... again i am nervous....

well, I need to finish my resume...
Surot and Jay goodluck to Us...
Hope to see Teacher Rony Fortich so we can offer our deal... HEHEHE....
Chao!!!!

So COOL!!!! PHOTO ALBUM

2005-03-20T15:35:18Z

SO COOL!!!

Surot and Jay I learned something new. How to add effects to my live journal entries...

I'm still waiting for my Avenue Q Vocal Selections...

I'm still can't wait to meet my Trumpets class mates and teacher.

I want to go to laguna again with my blockmates...

Happy love that picture... Smilee... Magic Today's best Music!!!

I want to Make Magic....

Blockmates no more.... I might transfer to other school... See you somewhere....

ANIMO LA SALLE!HEHEHE! LET'S GO ARCHERS LET'S GO!

Summer Stock / TMJ

2005-03-20T14:47:17Z

Summer Stock / TMJ

Yes!!! I'm so excited! I can't hide it!!!! You know why? You will not believe this!

SUROT, JAY, and I enrolled in summer stock under Mr. JAIME DEL MUNDO!

I'm so happy obvious ba? The thing is, hope i can get a good role. Not that one that will say act one or act two. I remember my friend cathy told us " Di ako nagbayad ng five thousand para sabihin, act one, act two" hahaha. Can you believe that. She just said act one act two. Imagine yourself saying those four words? kawawa talaga....

Anywat i hope this batch of summer stock be a learning experience for me that I can treasure for the rest of my life... (corny, jay said that, he's here with me)

I hope this trumpets will be happy and fun just like of last year. But i doubt. I just hope at least a pice of person from that class can be added to our circle of friendster. hahaha. I'm so excited I can't wait anymore to see my teacher and my new mates on the 4th of April. Surot, Jay, and I again are classmates and new adventures will come our way. as usual. Agree guys?

Cyril on the other hand did not make it to our class. Not beacuse he can't but because of his Showbiz engagements. or whatever you want to call it. It's not that bad anyway, his boyfriend Marion will be with him this entire summer. Best wishes for the both you! OOPS celedonia Franco will also be in that class i guess.

But before we chose Summer Stock it was really our plan to join MTG mwf 6:30 to 9:00 under Roy Rolloda but I said to Surot that will not be a good class. We botth agreed. Jay also agreed even though he don't how rolloda conducts his class. I'm not saying I don't like Rolloda, I like him as a person but his way of teaching for me is...he is mediocre. "I made my job that's i can offer" I thought before about him regarding oue class.

Way back 2003, our showcase was a disaster. I don't like it. I hated it actually. Sicam's play was actually good but we did not give justice to her masterpiece. Sorry to her, that's all I can say.

O.k. Hey guys, Summer stock will be on june at onstage greenbelt. Not yet sure with the date but i will inform you guys. Please do watch our show. that would be great. Feeling...sobrang excited...Even though I know I will not get a big part. "There are no small and big roles, only small actors" I love this quote!

O.k. It's getting late and laid. Hope to see you guys.

I'm so excited!

Wait, I'm still waiting for my avenue q and wicked vocal selections that I ordered from amazon. com

I want to have a voice lesson with teacher Rony...

That's all.
Surot hope you get through that temporomandibular joint disorder... Locked Jaw MJT for some who don't know. Now you do...

Surot, Jay and I... CCP Audition.... Our Lady of Caysasay... Yuck!

I gonna find my purpose...gotta find me!

2005-03-06T13:30:51Z

PURPOSE,
IT'S THAT LITTLE FLAME
THAT LIGHTS A FIRE
UNDER YOUR ASS.
PURPOSE,
IT KEEPS YOU GOING STRONG
LIKE A CAR WITH A FULL
TANK OF GAS.
EVERYONE ELSE HAS
A PURPOSE
SO WHAT'S MINE?
Oh, look! Here's a penny!
It's from the year I was born!
IT'S A SIGN!
BA-BA-BA-BA
DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO
I DON'T KNOW HOW I KNOW,
BUT I'M GONNA FIND
MY PURPOSE.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE
I'M GONNA LOOK,
BUT I'M GONNA FIND
MY PURPOSE.
GOTTA FIND OUT,
DON'T WANNA WAIT!
GOT TO MAKE SURE THAT MY
LIFE WILL BE GREAT!
GOTTA FIND MY PURPOSE
BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

MOVING BOXES AND OTHERS
HE'S GONNA FIND HIS PURPOSE

PRINCETON
I'M GONNA FIND MY PURPOSE

MOVING BOXES AND OTHERS
HE'S GONNA FIND HIS PURPOSE

MOVING BOXES AND OTHERS(--Overlapping--)
MAYBE MORE...
AT A JOB, OR SMOKING GRASS
POTTERY CLASS
WOULD BE COOL...
YES IT COULD!
SOMETHING GOOD!
YOU'RE GONNA FIND
YOUR PURPOSE...
GOTTA FIND YOUR PURPOSE...
PURPOSE IS A MYSTERY.
GOTTA FIND IT!
YOU'RE GONNA FIND
YOUR PURPOSE
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA...
YOU'RE GONNA FIND.
YOUR PURPOSE
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA...

PRINCETON (--Overlapping--)
I'M GONNA FIND MY PURPOSE
COULD BE FAR, COULD BE NEAR
COULD TAKE A WEEK,
A MONTH, A YEAR
AT A JOB, OR SMOKING GRASS
MAYBE AT A POTTERY CLASS!
COULD IT BE?
YES IT COULD!
SOMETHING'S COMING,
SOMETHING GOOD!
I'M GONNA FIND MY PURPOSE
I'M GONNA FIND MY PURPOSE
I'M GONNA FIND IT.
WHAT WILL IT BE? WHERE WILL IT BE?
MY PURPOSE IN LIFE IS A MYSTERY
GOTTA FIND MY PURPOSE
GOTTA FIND ME.
I'M GONNA FIND MY PURPOSE!
PURPOSE PURPOSE PURPOSE!
YEAH YEAH!
GOTTA FIND ME.

AVENUE Q ---- WICKED ---- BROADWAY

2005-03-06T13:20:25Z

I already ordered the vocal selections of Broadway Musicals Avenue Q and Wicked.

I'm so excited to get the books. I waited for so long just to order those things.

Confession: I used my mother's credit card.

I will wait untill the billing statement arrive and I'll be put to hell again.

Surot I ordered it already!!! Yes.... According to them, it will arrive on March 11 - 14 2005. It's expensive really. The shipping. I mean the shipping costs more than the book itself. I can't wait to study the song "Purpose"

That's all...

Series of Unfortunate Events

2005-03-05T05:12:39Z

I dont know why these things are happening to me.
Things that really made crazy as hell. Few more steps and I'm already in the stage of insanity.

I planned about Jay's party and alain's party. I said if i will hold the party in my place i don't have to go out this friday night. I was so excited for that friday to come. Unfortunately that day turned out to be not that exciting. It was exciting because it was the first time we celebrated a party in my place, the party was also like a reunion, and I cooked the food. The disaster part of it was the security guards who can't find life and kept on visiting us (like checking us out if we are still alive, good thing for us is yes and the bad thing for them is also yes WE ARE STILL ALIVE). I thought of giving them some food but i realized that they don't deserve my food.

My sister got mad same with my brother in law. He even shouted infront of my friends. (surot and jay) Good thing it was only surot and jay were left and i know they understand that. My brain was not working that very moment. It was like flashes of scenes and lights but not regestering in my consciousness. Unfortunate events...can i sell the story of my life?

Things are getting much complicated. Things I think I can't handle anymore. All I thought was it will be a much better idea to celebrate it in my place but i turned out to be the very opposite of what I thought. I still remember one scenario from that evening. I said "Di ko alam gagawin ko" my brain was not working that very moment. Then surot, the ever good friend sang "things are getting complicated, but it's only from now" a line from a broadway musical Avenue Q. I love Avenue Q, It is like my real life.

I want to say sorry to surot, jay, cyril, and to all the people who went. All my planned vanished. I am so depressed. I need some help. Some thing to do to make me feel better. I don't know what to do to myself, to everything...

Purpose, I will still look for it. I know God is always with me.

"God will give me justice" Yes, its from the count of Monte Cristo a bible quote. God will help me to get out of this problems. I know. And He will give justice to the things I am doing.

I am really trying to change my life. But it seems that every time I am trying things are just getting much complicated. Hay, how can I run myself.

I'm planning to file a LOA this coming term. Just want to fix myself and arrange things the way they should be. Guys help me get through this.

SUROT AND JAY: Sorry guys

SWIMMING

2005-03-02T09:04:37Z

After two hours of waiting because of that fucking UNIVERSITY BREAK I still managed to attend my swimming class. The water was so cold (as usuall) and the teacher syempre bitch pa din.

We waited for about another 40 minutes before she arrived to our class room And as you now, if the teacher is not yet around 1/3 the time of your period that means you have a free cut. I was so happy because we have no P.E. but when we are about to leave the room there she came with her fat ass. Imagine how shit she was. She made us wait for almost three long hours. I nearly finished two packs of Winston Lights, but it was still an hour before the class. I went to an internet cafe checked my e-mail made the first entry today and as you can see this is my second entry for the day... My life is so boring, I know.

O.k. We arranged our selves like she always say. "Prepare your selves" that voice i always hated. We were in the pool for about 30 minutes then took a shower and went home.

Mali pala I'm still here at the library waiting for my classmate to find the book they needed for their Litera Class. (the moment you read this I might be home already) so that's it. The only reason i am doing this is for no reason. hahaha labo... I don't have anything to do but instead of waiting for my mate just sitting i'd rather do something fruitful. (is this fruitful enough)

Speaking of swimming this coming friday we will be celebrating the birthady of my dear friend Jay. He's also from la Salle. He's also from Trumpets... need to go. He's here already....

New things came up to my mind....

2005-03-02T06:12:23Z

after that very nice accident happened to me. i realized or should i say i asked myself again for the nth time what is my purpose (really) in life.

Then naisip ko song na purpose. Could it be in a pottery class, smoking grass or where is it really. Then i realized again that I should do what my parents are asking me to do. i am really lost up to this moment.

To become a........ presenting...... a doctor!?

bagay ba?
my family always say that it is the best thing for me to do. for me to fulfill their dreams and also for me to have a good future...

ok i am convinced that becoming a doctor is a good, pretigious, and happy profession then i realized.... how long will i study?
15 years more or less. wala na ko sa calendar bago ko pa matapos yung pag-aaral ko.

ok here's my plan again sana di na mabago after ilang weeks lang...
to do what they want me to do... the question then is where? ayoko sa ust that is a fact... sabi ko la salle is offering pre-med courses so why just take it up here... so iyun na yon. i'll become a doctor finish a pre-med course here in la salle kahit di forte then transfer to another school for the proper. i hope i can do it.

syempre sabihin ng iba nanaman. bago na naman
i thought your going to csb...my mom did not allow me that's the reason and ayoko na rin maging isang benildan ba tawag sa kanila...

that is my final decision as of the moment. hope will last till the end...
anyway becoming a doctor is really good. people will look up to you... good profession and stuff... another thing is they want me to become a cosmetic surgeon... ok lang. i can correct the mistakes of somebody else's face. but the thing is nakakatawa ako... wala lang...

now hope things will be fine again. my next plan is to go to science department look for the right and best course they can offer and shift to that course... guys wish me luck and to have patience... kaya lang patience is not my virtue....

anyway sige i'll try my very best to get the role ( bryan) hahaha
wala lang....

this will be a very, very big decision for me because this is my future we are talking about... hope i'll succeed in my plans and i know God is with me..
as always...

Am I stupid?

2005-02-28T12:06:39Z

Just a question I want you to answer.

For some things that happened to me this past few days I came to question my self if I’m really stupid. Or I am really just a cupid. Whatever ok. The things you need to consider on answering my very nice question.

Last 26 February 2005 I went out with my friends. Both school friends and theater found friends (Whatever) I went to Happy's place at mandaluyong with the rest of the block. We had so much fun (thanks to Bryan for that) we smoked a pack of Marlboro, ate big Mac prepared by their maids and had some sort of football game.

By the way earlier that day we had nstp in the infamous place called F. Castillo. I really hope that this term must come to its end. I'm so pissed with that nstp thing and I guess all of us feel the same. Right?

Ok back to my story we had a good time with happy and her dad who even played with us. His is a smart dad and really cool. Then time to say goodbye. Adrian my classmate dropped me to my house literally and figuratively speaking.

Then j.j. told me that there will be some drinking and smoking session in dago's place. Well, I’ve nothing to do so I went to dago's house. I guess I was too early for the session. I waited for about five hours... neh, not that long right. I met Pam's friend. Pam is dago's sister if some of you don’t know her, know you do. We had some chat about their high school stereo-type love life that made me sick. They asked me questions and I gave them fucking answers. I told Pam to say goodbye to her boyfriend because I think they’re relationship is not working anymore break na nya kung baga and for her friend to find another guy to fulfill her sexual cravings and stuff. Do I have a potential to become the next Joe the mango. Hope I spelled it correctly. Then after that short time of waiting they arrived. With nothing.... literal walang dala. We went to yero bar to see our holala friend of j.j if we can bring her home to mama but she declined. Like a card you know, hahaha. J.j had a good time inside that dark room I guessed while I dancing with some lasalista girls who are hot that night.

Then what's next.... ok here is the best part of it...
We drank a lot of emperador. The demon ruled us that made us drunk and had some talk. That night was really different... I thought I can drive my car as careful as I can but I was wrong. While on our way to j.j's house the bad or the fuckiest thing happened. NABANGGA KO KOTSE NI STEVIE. Just like that. I felt like it was a bumped car I used to play when I was still a kid and for some occasions when I’m with immature freaks. My good friend Satan then went out of my head. Realizing that he just did his mission. to give me a problem to make me strong (whatever) a problem that made me think of the greatest and deepest possible alibi I can tell to my mom and stevie's parents.

Ok we stayed for a while in j.j’s place. Thought of the best reason to say when we are asked by our own parents. Well this is what we used as an alibi: Stevie is going to j.j’s house to drop him home and suddenly a man in white car bumped the back of his car and found out that it was me. A trumpets mate and a schoolmate. Of course we are not going to tell our parents that we are drunk. Then I’m begging his family not to tell my parents for we are in a rough situation right now. Which we are actually that is another story I don't want to share yet.

O.k. we have an alibi and now the way to manila peninsula. My parents were there for their honeymoon because it was their anniversary. O.k. they told me to go there and if I don't I will not get any money from them. That is hard. Really hard. How can I pay Stevie, how can I live my daily life... and for many reasons I needed to go there Then I tried my best to reach the place but one thing bad happened again. The car is overheating. FUCK I said. I needed to stop for a while to cool down the engine and off I go again. For a very reason that I am not a Makati boy I asked a guy a question about the way.
Here is the scenario:

Me: Where is my way to manila peninsula?
Guy: What? Manila bay?
Me: No manila pen
Guy: Manila bay?
Me: No manila peninsula hotel
Guy: I beg your pardon
Me: Manila pen
Guy: ah Manila pe-nin-su-la you just go u turn there and follow the first street and that's it.
Me: Ok thank you.
Guy: Good night. (Take note: good night and his eyes looked like his doing the baby thing called "Beautiful eyes" the same thing you usually asked a baby to perform like a program)

Yes, his gay and that made my night really disgusting. I shut my window as fast as I can to get rid of him. I still remember his voice as in YUCK. He looks straight but after that conversation yuck when I reached the hotel I took a bath and prayed not to see him again and not to remember that day when I wake up the next day.

That is the story... I’m having difficulty writing it because that made me sick until now!!!
Answer me am I stupid?

first entry

2005-02-27T08:19:28Z

magpapakabait na ako.

swear.